The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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