that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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