i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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