Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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