Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
