WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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