dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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