well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
