Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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