i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
