i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
