hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
