the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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