I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
