it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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