I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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