tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
