even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
