The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
