All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
