My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
