i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
