8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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