I've blown a few things in my day
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
