Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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