Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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