I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
