I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
