put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
too bad you live with your parents still
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
