used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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