His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
