I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
