Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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