we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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