my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
