Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
