Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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