i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
