evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
