Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
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