my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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