Where did you get a picture of my penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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