PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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