I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
