Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
