so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
