Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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