So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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