he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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