i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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