By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
