Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
