Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
