its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
