Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
